Then the death machine threw me up in the air, while my hands were white knuckling the antiquated bar that feigned safety. All I could do was reassure myself that I should survive, after all, no one wants a lawsuit. I was pretty sure, or at least I had convinced myself, that this machine was inspected by these children running it or, at the very least, their barely adult supervisors. All I had to do was hang on and peek over at my son every so often to see if he was still “safely” seated beside me. I say “peek” because my eyes were tightly sealed shut, as I tried to survive this death machine. The death machine that I’m speaking about was this scary Ferris wheel at Fort Edmonton.
Here’s a video of the death trap that I was so scared of. If you can hear the video, you may be able to hear my heavy panicky breaths. lol
A lot of people have said to me, “Well, why wouldn’t you let your husband go on the ride then?” Then I say, “Well, why would I want my child to see that I can’t challenge myself.” If I am ever to grow, I have to put myself outside of my comfort zone. Sure, it’s safer to sit back, but where would that bring me?
I remember when I was little and I was diagnosed with asthma. I remember being in and out of the hospital with asthma attacks, afraid to challenge myself physically because it might put me back in the hospital. So for years, I spent my life afraid that I would never be able to breathe. Afraid to jog, join sports, even try sports. What would I look like? How heavy would I breathe? How would I look with these weak lungs that were straining to keep my weak body fueled with oxygen in order to live. So, I sat there, in fear of challenging myself, in fear of living my life.
Then my friend was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. That was one of the first triggers in my life to challenge myself and face my fears. Then my son turned 5. He became even more fearless, being everything that I always hoped that he’d be, enthusiastic and excited about trying everything in life, never hesitating for a second. (Although, mommy is sure that he can slow down sometimes. haha) It was then that I realized that he needed to see that I could be afraid, but I still need to try. I have to try. I want to be better. I want to live life. I only have one life and I cannot be afraid to live it. So, I will white knuckle it, I will try son.